My grief hit me immediately when my friend Debbie called to let me know that her cat, Phantom, had passed. I knew Phantom well. For many years, I had visited my hometown of Buffalo, NY, and stayed with Debbie and Phantom. Knowing I would hang out with Phantom made it easier to leave my dogs and cats behind. Her gentle purring and sitting close was a gift.
Phantom’s story
Phantom had cancer in her back leg. But with her gentle strength of character and Debbie’s tender care, she had a good life. She played and loved sitting halfway on you to be brushed. She said it was like a massage! I communicated with Phantom about her health and provided loving, healing energy over the years and became quite attached.
Asking Phantom if she was ready to go
In a session, we asked Phantom if she was ready to go. Debbie planned on visiting her cousins later in the month and didn’t want Phantom to die while she was gone. Phantom was tired and worn out but not quite ready. Life was bearable. So Debbie decided to postpone the decision to let Phantom go.
Checking in with Phantom while Debbie visits her cousins
The day before Debbie left, I let Phantom know Debbie was going to be gone for a few days and she’d be back. We asked Phantom to stick around and not pass while Debbie was gone.
During that time, I checked in with Phantom every day and sent healing and love. Phantom stayed on the planet! Yay!
Sometime later, Debbie let her go.
I grieved her loss
You’d think that after losing many animals – and the fact that this wasn’t my animal –I wouldn’t be grieving. But I was.
We grieve deeply
Animal lovers grieve deeply when our animals pass – and for other people’s animals, too. Don’t take this lightly. The pain doesn’t go away automatically after a certain period of time. It has its own timetable.
Even when we feel like we’re finally moving on, grief springs up out of nowhere, grabs our hearts and squeezes tears out of our eyes in a microsecond.
Take our grief seriously
I loved this article by Timothy Roberts in Goodfullness: People Need To Be Taken Seriously When They Grieve The Death Of A Pet – Here’s Why. Read what he says about the words you use to comfort a friend about the loss of their pet:
“It is important to acknowledge the pain that your friend is feeling, even if you don’t fully understand the emotional loss that is involved.
“Don’t try to ‘comfort’ them by making statements that could actually hurt. This could include ‘you should go buy another one’ or ‘it was only an animal’.
“Although they may eventually bring another animal into their life, making that statement will not help them through the grieving process. It will likely just appear callused.
“If you aren’t sure what to say, then just listen to them or sit by their side during that time.
“Sometimes, being there for them means just being in their company.”
Read Peace in Passing
I wrote a bestseller for people who are grieving the loss of their animals: “Peace in Passing: Comfort for Loving Humans During Animal Transitions.” This has helped a lot of people.
In it, I talk about navigating the journey that we’re on before they pass away. And we share ideas about how to smooth the transition for our beloved companion and us. Plus, we cover how to live through our grief after they have passed.
Many people I worked with share their own story about navigating and living with their grief.
So grieve freely!
Dear friends, grieve freely. The bond with your animal was deep, complex, and everlasting. Your grief is a tribute to the love you felt for each other.
Love never dies. Your beloved companion is OK, they survived death and they are still part of your family.