Are you expecting a perfect dog, cat, rabbit, or horse—and wondering how to handle behavior that falls short of that ideal? You have my permission to let go of perfection and focus instead on building a safe, joyful life together.

“Perfect” is a huge burden on people

Many people consider their animal companion family. Some of us say they’re like our children.

Because parents are often judged by how their children behave, it’s easy to feel that your animal companion’s behavior reflects on you—even when the “child” in question is a dog.

As a result, you may judge your animal companion through the eyes of other people—because of what you imagine they think or because of comments they have made.

You may think, “Her barking is too loud,” “He’s too outgoing,” or “She’s too shy.” You may label an animal ornery, overweight, or too skinny. I’m sure you can come up with your own list.

It’s a burden on our animals, too

When we expect our animals to be perfect, we may shut down an integral part of who they are. When they can’t express their nature and personality, it takes a toll. Think about it from a human perspective – were there behaviors, personality traits, or career paths you shut down or turned from because of how people might judge you? How did it make you feel?

Let go of the expectation of perfection

Our animals need our love and acceptance for who they are – their personalities, peculiarities, and preferences. Where possible and safe, find ways for them to do normal doggy/kitty/horse/gerbil behaviors.

• Allow them to be themselves even if you hoped for a different personality

• Use positive training or consult a behaviorist. Help your animal companion learn new ways to communicate so everyone can enjoy one another’s company.

• Expect the change to take some time. You’re asking them to break a comfortable habit.

And unless you see abusive behaviors from humans, give other humans some grace if their animals exhibit imperfect behaviors. Maybe they adopted animals who lived in abusive or neglectful circumstances.

Acceptance doesn’t mean ignoring behavior that is unsafe or difficult to live with. It means starting with compassion, then helping your animal understand what you need and finding alternatives that work for both of you. This is where animal communication may help.

Animal Communication

Animal communication can be one useful way to understand a difficult behavior, explain what you need, and explore an alternative that works better for everyone. Here are a few examples.

Peeing and pooping issues

I telepathically explain house rules about elimination first. Everyone has a place to go. Humans have toilets, cats have boxes or go outdoors. Dogs go outdoors.

Next, I ask cats to use the litter box or go outside, and I ask dogs to go outside. In both cases, I share a mental picture of what I’m asking them to do, along with the happiness and relief their people will feel. It can be a win-win: the animals receive more affection, and their people feel comfortable inviting guests into the house.

Mouthiness

Young dogs naturally explore and play with their mouths, so expecting them never to grab is likely to leave us disappointed and angry. At the same time, grabbing and nipping people isn’t safe or comfortable, so they need another way to interact with us.

I communicate with dogs that their people can’t play like they do. Nipping hurts their people because we don’t have fur. In my mind, I show them that licking people or nudging them with their nose works much better.

That’s why I show dogs that we give them toys and play tug with them. Depending on the dog’s personality, I may also picture us throwing toys for them to fetch or chasing one another. Those options are fun for everyone.

With cats, I request that they do head bumps instead of biting or clawing. Many times, I show them to use “soft paws” (claws withdrawn) when they reach out to touch us.

Barky dogs

Barky dogs remind me of people who like to talk. Or outgoing, extraverted people. As a way of communicating, barking seems to be the go-to protocol. Of course, humans don’t delight in the sound.

Stella, my previous barky dog, and I worked on a compromise on her barking. At my request (using words and mind-to-mind connections), she only used her ear-splitting barks when someone came to the door. The regular, “Hey, there’s someone in the neighborhood” or “Hey, there’s a dog” barks became quieter.

I’m still working with my two current barky dogs, Newt and Molly. Newt has mostly stopped barking once I let him know I’ve heard him. After I asked Molly to quiet down, she began whining softly instead of barking.

I also pet them and let them know I’ve heard them. Their responses aren’t perfect, but the barking bothers me less, and both dogs live with fewer negative vibes from me.

Embrace imperfection!

Let’s allow our animals’ personalities to shine while finding safe, compassionate ways to handle the behaviors that make life together difficult. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s a relationship that feels more joyful for everyone.

Need some help?

If a behavior is making life together difficult, I can help you start a compassionate conversation with your animal companion.

Learn about how I work

Or consider The Journey Begins, my self-paced course to start communicating intuitively with your animals!

Communicate intuitively with your animal companions!